When the "Old Man" asserts his dominance...

I was on leave last week. The week before that, I was in a conference all day, every day. The week before that, I was flying a simulator with about as much computing capacity as my iPorn. So, needless to say, I’ve been avoid doctrine writing and reading people’s whack ideas about tactical stuff and Army things in general. I guess I missed a post-wide run with the Aviation CG. Meh. I don’t think he missed me though. It was part of the Suicide Prevention Month activities, designed to increase everyone’s morale and inspire teamwork and unity, which is fine. I’m all about running in the mornings and backwards planning on soldiers for a huge formation run. On the other hand, I don’t like being fibbed to. I know, it was just a little fib from a man who pretty much can crush my life and career with just a sideways glance and a nod in my general direction, like The Godfather ordering Luca Brasi to make someone "swim wit da fishes." Actually, I really like the CG. I saw him in the commissary one Sunday afternoon in old shorts and running shoes, reading the nutritional contents of a package of regular cream cheese and comparing it to a package of fake lo-cal cream cheese. I was pleased to see that he put the fake lo-cal cream cheese down. He’s normal and eats real cream cheese. I like that in a General Officer.

So what did MG Crutchfield fib about?

The reason for the run: morale. Running in big groups at the crack of dawn does not inspire morale. This is doubly so when the first song that is played to “get everyone in the running mood” is Eye of the Tiger. Who picks that? Is there an approved play list for large formation runs where the only songs that can be played are Eye of the Tiger, Thunderstruck, or Pour Some Sugar on Me? Branch out, people. Get a little crazy. How some Cult or Heavy or Ramones? 

More importantly, never fib about the reason for a large formation run. If you’re the commander of a squadron or battalion or brigade, just come out and say it: you’re having a large formation run to assert your dominance over your unit. It’s okay. You’re allowed to do that. You're in charge. 

I would love to see that on an OPORD for a squadron or brigade run one day for the commander’s intent: Old Man wants to assert his dominance.

I’d be strangely alright with that. That, and eating real cream cheese.