Day-Out-Night-Return Post: Death... by PowerPoint

Let me makes this very clear. I am not a fan of PowerPoint. I hate it. When slides come in front of my face, I want to do very bad things to people. I would normally say that it’s an irrational hatred of a Microsoft product that was designed to make everything run smoother and make pretty pictures from bad information. I look at a PowerPoint slide, and it’s like a pig staring at a wristwatch. I just sit there, mindlessly thinking about pleasanter things. I'm playing another level of Angry Birds in my mind. 

Because there is pictures.

Shiny, colorful pictures.

Ooooh, something just moved for a slide transition. Yippeee.

And yet, I am an officer. I have no choice but to learn to adapt to the necessity of PowerPoint because I’m going to need it in every staff job to do my thinking for me. I’m unnerved and scared at this idea.

The truth is that we have become dependent on systems to make things pretty and bad news into something palatable, rather than learning how to build ideas in our minds and explain them simply and efficiently. This unfortunately is a skill that is lost on the younger crowd of up and coming assistant S-3s, admin officers, and logisticians who really, REALLY run the Army. We’re wholly and completely addicted to making shiny slides that don’t really capture information well… and certainly don’t translate well into what our commander’s intent really, REALLY is. But, hot damn, don’t that sh*t look puuurrrty!

 The quadchart, a method of condensing information into a snapshot, is probably the closest we can get to simplifying data into fast, digestible tidbits on PowerPoint. Of course, that’s only if you use it right. If you feed a bunch of stuff, you’re stuck tap-dancing on cracker, trying to explain your fluff to the Old Man during Command and Staff. The Old Man don’t like fluff. He likes beer. Your poorly executed PowerPoint slide is driving him to be separated from his precious beer even longer. Which is why he’s sitting there, at the head of the briefing table, looking frustrated   constipated   at his watch   slightly concerned about your mental health. Like Dr. Jones choosing the right cup for the Holy Grail, he’s pretty sure picking you for command or a key staff position might lead him to age prematurely. Death… by PowerPoint.

Consider this when teaching a young soldier or planner to use PowerPoint: what would happen if they didn’t have it? Would they be able to execute a mission without it? Would they be able to translate and apply the commander’s intent without copy/paste from another source? Would they really, REALLY be able to explain themselves, their mission, their higher headquarters, and the commander’s desired end state as it applies to them?

Or would they be sitting there, imagining success at another level of Angry Birds?